Take A Sip…
—When a woman simpers in front of Don Draper.
—When Roger Sterling cracks a joke.
—When Peggy Olsen seems frustrated with being a working woman.
—When Pete Campbell acts weaselly.
—When Lane Pryce is being a horn dog.
—When someone cries in the office.
—Whenever Joan and Roger flirt.
Take A Shot…
—Whenever Don Draper tells someone, “No.”
—Whenever Betty is a terrible mother.
—If Bert Cooper takes his shoes off.
—Whenever Sally Draper does or says something that breaks your heart.
—Whenever someone undermines one of their SCDP co-workers.
—Whenever Roger says something slightly racist.
—Whenever a real-life historical event is referenced.
Drink Your Whole Glass…
—If there’s a Dick Whitman reference.
—If someone mentions Megan Calvet’s teeth.
—If Don steals someones idea.
—If Roger leaves his wife Jane (Bonus: if he does so for Joan).
—If Don and Betty flirt and/or hookup.
—If Trudy Campbell wears a ridiculous hat.
—If Don seduces someone.
Down The Whole Bottle…
—If Don and Joan hook up.
—If Paul Kinsey or Sal Romano show up.
—If Duck Phillips tries to start a fight.
—If someone drives a lawnmower.
—If Miss Blankenship returns from the grave.
—If Harry Crane ISN’T a total douche.
—If Greg Harris (aka Dr. Rape) dies in Vietnam.
Take A Sobering Sip Of Prune Juice…
—For every roommate you have who doesn’t watch Mad Men.
And of course when all else fails, you can always drink every time Roger drinks—then you’ll be drunk FAST. And if you feel guilty, let Roger unburden you: “My generation, we drink because it’s good, because it feels better than unbuttoning your collar, because we deserve it. We drink because it’s what men do.”